OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
