My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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