Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
