Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Less talking, more tequila
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
