Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
