Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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