I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want to make out with him forever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
