Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
