Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
