idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
