i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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