..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
