Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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