your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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