I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
