Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
