Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
