Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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