My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
