I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
