she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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