Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're too hungover to prance.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
