You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
