Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
