It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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