i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
