so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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