new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
