Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
