you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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