Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
