I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
