I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
