he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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