How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
