Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dicks are not precious.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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