I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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