she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
