why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
