She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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