We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
