dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
