My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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