Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
