my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
