You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
