That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
