I love having hate sex.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
