Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
whose parrot is this?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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