He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
