what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Small penises have feelings too.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
