I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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